As a child, my father sexually assaulted me. It was traumatic and life changing, even though I never realized it. As a result of my trauma, I never felt good about myself. I have struggled with bulimia, self-harm, anorexia, and depression. My confidence has been non-existent for most of the seventeen years of life.
About two years ago, I met my best friend Cassandra. She really helped me come out of my shell. She taught me what real beauty is and slowly, my confidence started to grow. I am artist. My entire life is about creating. Creativity and design is in my blood. I realized that I loved any type of fashion and discovered my fascination with piercing and tattoos. I found my voice through piercings 😉
I grew up in a family where it was only acceptable to have earlobe piercings. And only one in each ear. But slowly I realized that I wanted my second and third holes. So I wrote my mom a five page letter on why I felt I needed them.
Piercings make me feel like an individual. Almost everyone has some, but they have different meanings for each person. Every time I added an earring, I felt good!
I began to pull my fantasy of a belly button piercing out from the dark, shut off part of my brain. Each day I would tell Cassandra how much I wanted it. I wanted it more and more each day. One day I bought 110 different types of piercing jewelry on Amazon. When it came in the mail, I felt this peace come over me. Piercings are beauty. They are individuality. Piercings make me who I am!
I convinced Cassandra to try to pierce my belly button with a sewing needle. Nope. Your stomach skin is tough! It would not go through, no matter how hard she tried. So we ordered forceps and piercing needles online. I was so excited that I could hardly contain my excitement as I waited for the supplies to come in the mail!
Cassandra and I planned a sleepover. Most girls eat lots of food, gossip, watch movies, whatever. Instead, we were up in my room with alcohol wipes, forceps, needles, hydrogen peroxide and loads of body jewelry.
After lots of swears and labored breathing, she got the ring in my belly button. I felt immediate happiness, no, giddiness come over me!
It was beautiful. I was beautiful. I fucking felt beautiful!
Pain is worth it if you get to have that feeling.
Body jewelry is a form of self-expression that I feel everyone should experience. It feels so damn good to feel like a person. Abuse blinds you, but self-expression can become your new eyes. It can lead you anywhere, as long as you let it!
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